TIME - HAVING IT, NOT HAVING IT, WHAT IS IT?

Lately, I have been recognizing time is my companion.  It is not steady.  There are times when it wears on me: dragging out, slowing down, and not moving along.  There are other times when it pesters me to distraction: going too fast, sneaking up on me, catching me unawares, making me late.  That's time.  It is a fickle companion at best.  I find myself resenting it when it moves past a moment that I would like to hold on to.  But then, there are times I love it dearly as it unfolds growth, learning, and awareness.  I love those parts of it that are constant - things you can count on - like the seasons, and the cycle of darkness and light.  Rachel Carson wrote of nature's clock, " There is something infinitely healing in the repeated refrains of nature - the assurance that dawn comes after night, and spring after winter." At the same time there is something challenging about time and how it seeps through our fingers; how it flies by unseen and unappreciated.  We may temporarily catch sight of it in glimpses of ecstasy and moments of evolution, but, for the most part, it continues in the background, unseen, ticking by.

So here's my challenge to me - be more mindful of time - my own, that of others.  Live comfortably in the natural cycles and rhythms of time.  Weave LOVE through it all.

With Love,
Betsy

ONE OF MY FAVORITE POEMS: BARTER, by Sara Teasdale

Barter BY SARA TEASDALE

Life has loveliness to sell,
All beautiful and splendid things,
Blue waves whitened on a cliff,
Soaring fire that sways and sings,
And children's faces looking up
Holding wonder like a cup.

Life has loveliness to sell,
Music like a curve of gold,
Scent of pine trees in the rain,
Eyes that love you, arms that hold,
And for your spirit's still delight,
Holy thoughts that star the night.

Spend all you have for loveliness,
Buy it and never count the cost;
For one white singing hour of peace
Count many a year of strife well lost,
And for a breath of ecstasy
Give all you have been, or could be.

The lovely moments that life has to offer are immeasurably delicious. Each moment, like a delicacy in a smorgasbord of moments.  Each with its own unique flavor and experience.  It seems impossible to think that we, each of us, wouldn't choose to be out there, always, living in this delightful experience.  Yet, there are times that withdrawal suites me.  Where I am inspired to step away, and experience the void that is the other side of this picture.  I am an addict, and life is the drug.  In the quiet hours of my solitude I seek peace, and simplicity and the space between the moments to breathe in the emptiness.  I too have my spring, summer, fall, and winter.  The nature of all that we experience is impermanence.  So, even as I dance with impermanence I wish to be reminded that it is a dream state.  I value, just as much, the moments where I find myself shaking the dream off, momentarily, and resting in that which is.  Those moments help to lend perspective to the dream.

"In that act of passing through my life there is a sparkling trail of memories that light up my heart."

Love comes into our lives in many different ways. Twenty three years ago love came into my life wrapped in a 5lb 11oz bundle of bright eyed wonder. Born under water, this little being didn't seem to be in any anguish or distress, but instead seemed amazed that this new world of light was still so wet and warm. Like a small creature coming out of the primordial sea, the mid wife placed this Aquarian born child in my arms and it was love at first sight on my part. I had spent nine months preparing for her arrival, and yet, once she was in my arms it was life by the seat of my pants for awhile. Nothing has ever been the same, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Someone said to me once, "a child passes through your life and disappears into adulthood." It is so true, and yet in that act of passing through my life there is a sparkling trail of memories that light up my heart, like diamonds of sunlight dancing on the wake of a boat. To have had the opportunity to have loved so deeply, so purely, and so totally was truly a blessing. At twenty three, she is beautiful, as she stands on the threshold of her adult life. There is promise and optimism, there is life and enthusiasm, and most importantly there is love and laughter. I am eternally grateful for this gift that has taken twenty three years to fully unwrap. I love her for having blessed my life so completely, but I love her more for what she is becoming. Celebrating Mother's Day helps me to stop, and pause, and reflect on the blessings that motherhood has brought to my life.

Being Comfortable with Not Knowing

I had an event, recently in my life, that this quote truly applies to.  I have no idea what happened.  I may never know what happened, and, in the end, I need to make peace with that.  It has been a couple of months now and what I am realizing is that I have spent far too much time rerunning a really bad piece of an otherwise delightful "movie" of a time in my life.  What this is doing is spoiling the otherwise great memories.  My need to know, to control, to understand isn't serving me well in this instance.  I need to shut it down and move on: to hold onto the great memories and the cherished times and let the rest go.  Not that I will forget.  There are some learnings there that I need to hold on to, but to keep experiencing the pain, the sadness, the loss - that is masochistic.  My choice, then, is to surrender to not knowing.  I'm good with that.