Someone once said that life is something that happens to you while you are making plans. I am in a bit of a lull at the moment. You know, one of those rare moments when emails aren't coming in; when projects have been temporarily put on a back burner; when friends are busy, or out of town, or not calling - one of those moments. It's not the norm, but the exception and I'm finding that I have to shake myself out of the habit of doing. I should be REVELING in this moment...rolling in it like a dog who just smelled the most amazing thing and wants to be covered in it...so why is it sooo hard to let go of the doing?
I find myself searching for things that will put a demand on me; feeling lost when there isn't something I haven't done...feeling incomplete without, as the poet Robert Frost put it, "having miles to go before I sleep". My heart wants to love this moment, this ceasing of doing. If anything, it comes as a sense of relief, of exhaustive gratitude for a break, yet the drive to make, to create, to push, pull, drive, understand, develop... it pokes at me incessantly.
This moment of quiet is an opportunity to really connect with the "life" that is happening while I'm usually making plans. It is a time to be still and just be. The sense that I have that things will fall apart somehow if I am not doing, creating, ,making, becoming, is a lie because if I am gone tomorrow, MY world may no longer exist but THE world would continue without my driving it with my efforts. In the same instance I am absolutely positive that my efforts ARE making a difference, otherwise I would not be as committed as I am to contributing in my small way. Perhaps it is not so much my doing that would be missed but my unique perspective that lends dimensionality to the chaos that is the stuff that life is shaped from.
Like a star in the heavens, we each twinkle for awhile and when that light goes out the totality of light is forever changed...These are the types of thoughts that this moment was made for.
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