Have you ever lost yourself when you've looked into the eyes of someone else? Where your words leave you speechless, and your sense of self seems threatened with extinction at the personal nature of the contact? That was me when I was a child. I would describe it as falling into their eyes and losing myself. This inability to connect without losing myself, coupled with the sense that because of my shy nature I was, for the most part, invisible caused me to avoid people. It wasn't that I didn't want to be with people. On the contrary, I desperately wanted to be with people and belong. I so wanted to fit in - to be seen, heard, and appreciated. I wanted to have a sense of belonging and being a part of something. I was desperate to connect, I just couldn't seem to find the words and behaviors to make it happen. It seemed that I always had just the right words and knew just the right things to do in hind sight, but in the moment I was awkward, frozen, and speechless. I found myself standing on the fringe, trying to be a part of a group conversation, but shouldered out of the the circle of engagement. It was only in my art, my writing, in music, and in nature that I ultimately found comfort.
So here is what I have to offer you. There was never a moment - ever - where you are, or were, invisible. Your presence, no matter where you stand, no matter how engaged you are or aren't is still uniquely and wonderfully you. That simple kind word, that gesture of stepping out of the way so others can go first, is grander and bolder and more brilliant, and says more about the quality of how you connect to the world than any popularity vote could ever communicate. Your quiet way of being, your thought filled analysis and retrospect is needed in a world where life get's lost in the next shocking expose or demand to be entertained. Stay true to who you are, and continue to make the art that is your life. You are loved and appreciated. It would be an honor to get lost in your eyes.
With LOVE
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