The Road Less Traveled

In case you hadn't noticed, I've taken some time off from my focus on sharing my thoughts and working on my calling - building others to greatness (at least in a public arena).  This was due to a number of reasons, with first and foremost having retired from my 8 to 5 job in Wisconsin, and moving to Florida.  That happened in November of last year.  Once in Florida I needed to established my life - to determine what this new location held for me both physically and spiritually.  Sooooo, it's taken until now to really get my feet underneath me and to start to feel, see, and envision my path as embraced by these changes.  Which brings me to the subject of my chat today - change.

So here are some words that have gelled together, for me, around the concept of change: minimizing, reducing, eliminating, sorting, valuing, letting go, collecting up, prioritizing, relocating physically, relocating mentally, adjusting, reflecting, death, rebirth...here are some emotions that I have processed during this time: fear, uncertainty, anxiety, happiness, exhilaration, anger, regret, doubt, love, surprise, disappointment, distrust, trust, loss, gratitude, self compassion, empathy.

WOW! So Yeah! That's a lot to go through in four months, never mind a HUGE economic change.  In the end, I know, after four months, that I made the right choice.  Change of this level is very much like the birthing process, in that it is somewhat traumatic.  And, like the birthing process, it is helpful to have people around you who are there to support you, encourage you, physically hold you and emotionally love you as you process this struggle.  That's not to say that I executed this change with grace, skill, or finesse.  At times the process was painful, awkward, and complicated, more than I feel in hind sight it had to be.  All that being said, in the end it was successful.  In the end that is what is important, that at the age of 60 I was able to transition to a different life, and it didn't destroy me, or harm me, or in any way leave me depleted.  Instead, I have emerged exponentially better for the effort.  I am substantially happier, energized, healthier, and most importantly inspired, fired up, and purposeful.  And it is about my calling, my purpose, my gifts that I bring to the world.  The energy that I was putting into other people's causes, products, purpose, wasn't aligned well.  It's not that I don't give, volunteer, help, and work with others and their causes, it's that the balance and alignment is now MUCH healthier.  The change that I chose meant taking a substantial reduction in compensation.  That was one of the toughest changes to adapt to, but I have found I truly need very little to thrive, and I see that following my calling, my passion is the right thing to do and is evolving an income stream that is truly in alignment with who I am and what I love and believe in.  It feels soooo much better than making as much as I did when I was sacrificing purpose in order to make a living, and I couldn't have done any of this without the support of those who believe in me and who believe in the gifts that I bring to the world.

With Love

To Love Another Person is to See the Face of God

"To love another person is to see the face of God." - Jean Valjean, Act II, Les Miserables

Hi my friend,

Remember back in high school, when secret admirers would leave little notes, shoved into your locker?

This note is kinda like that. Except, I don’t want to invite you to the homecoming dance.

I just want to say how much you — your sharing and putting it out there — have already changed my life.

You've shown me that it’s totally possible to connect and share ideas, thoughts, insights, and personal experiences, even when it seems like no one would care or be interested.

And you've inspired me to step out of my comfort zone and put thoughts and experiences out there. I honestly don’t think I would've done it, if I hadn't discovered you first.

Imagine that on this Valentines Day I have left you something special on your virtual doorstep, or in your virtual locker — there would be chocolates, roses and champagne, waiting for you.

Even though I can only leave virtual tokens of my appreciation and caring for you, I can offer a very real and heartfelt thought -  let me simply say:

Thank you.

The Ludicrousness of Low Hanging Fruit

There is a mantra in a lot of businesses that focuses on, "tackling the low hanging fruit".  In the company conversations I have been privy to, the catch phrases that proliferate are ones like, "quick wins", "move the dial", "raise the bar" - you've heard it too if you've been there.  So here's the problem, there are some deep lying flaws to this approach that cause companies and good people who truly want to move the organization in good directions to endlessly chase their tails.

The first and most debilitating flaw to this way of thinking is that most if not all of the low hanging fruit does not address the root of the problem.  Low hanging fruit, or symptomatic problems, arise from much deeper issues.  So the challenge for organizations is to not get caught up in the busy work of low hanging fruit and to step back and truly think deeply and communicate effectively to uncover the true challenges that lie at the root of these symptomatic issues.

The second, and most personally debilitating flaw, for individuals involved in chasing low hanging fruit, is that these individuals get a false sense of success and accomplishments that feeds a career path based on wrong thinking.  Companies that have leadership teams who think that low hanging fruit is the be all and end all, become companies who continually feel the need to tighten their control over their people because they have failed to let go of their limited thinking and to look for the root causes of their challenges.  Fault finding and blaming is the child of flawed thinking.

Collective Knowledge is Powerful - So What's the Collective?

I recently read a great quote from Seth Godin, "For me doing is the core of it.  If you've done something with what you've learned, then maybe you know it."

When do you ever actually know it all about anything?  Really?  There is a fine line between having extensive knowledge about something, and being a "know it all".  Sadly, our models of leadership and management push good people to go to bad places because they feel that their job description dictates that they "know it all".

Knowing it all is a BAD place.  People who know it all take a defensive stand of their knowledge and expertise, and their capacity to learn takes a back seat to their capacity to WIN.  A defensive posture is counterproductive to being open to new ideas, ways of doing things, ways of thinking, or even revolutionary breakthroughs.

We each have belief and knowledge systems that we navigate life with.  These differ from one person to the next.  The problem comes when we start to believe that unless what we're considering falls in the acceptable range of our life's navigation system it is wrong, bad, negative, harmful, destructive...  Being open minded requires us to regularly stretch our horizons of understanding and knowledge and to test the waters of the new, different, innovative, and sometimes counterculture.  Outliers are NOT our enemies but windows into different ways of thinking.

Here is a great Ted video featuring Shawn Achor that speaks to the effects of not being more open to the outliers:  http://www.ted.com/talks/shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work.html

Failure...IT SUCKS!

Failure...IT SUCKS, and it's inevitable.  It's a given.  It's going to happen to you...more than once...in a lifetime, a lot more than once.  I recently retired from a job that I had been at for 15 years.  The last year of that work was one of the most challenging.  There was A LOT of opportunity for failure, and I fell victim to it more than once in that last year.  So here's the nugget - we, collectively, don't handle other people's failures well.  Seth Godin writes in his Blog Cheering you on when you lose, "who is waiting at the finish line, and who will be cheering for you at the final banquet, even when you don't win?  Especially when you don't win.."  

So let's be clear about WHY you would want to be there cheering someone on when they lose.

• You, better than anybody, should understand that failure is a given.  If you have any doubts about that look to your own life for verification - you are not perfect.  Neither is anyone else.
• Failure is a given, so learning to handle it effectively with yourself and with others is important.  If you expect to get from point A to point B in a team setting, you better get a handle on how you deal with the failures of others.
• You do not have all the answers and you cannot accomplish all that you need to accomplish without the help or teamwork of others.
• Failure, for the person experiencing it, is not a place of comfort.  There is risk; there is loss; there is a myriad of emotions - frustration, anger, disappointment, sadness...

To move through failure, people need to work through what happened.  They need someone to LISTEN.  Failure is a kind of wound.  Failure creates vulnerability. If we are to grow and learn from our failures, we need the space and grace of those around us helping us to realize that the wound is localized, that it, alone, does not define us, and that, yes, we will get to the other side of this healing process and be able to come away with learnings.  When we are going through failures we need those around us to hold to the vision of our impending success being strengthened by this time of loss.

Things NOT to do when someone fails:

• Criticize - kick someone when they are down.
• Add our own emotions (anger disappointment, frustration, fear) to the cacophony of self inflicted emotions that the person who has failed is already going through.  There may need to be time to share, and THIS IS NOT THE TIME.
• Be callous to what those going through failure are experiencing..."Suck it up!...Grow a scab!...Get over it!..."

 Here's another nugget for you: how YOU feel about someone else's failure is NOT going to help them successfully process what happened.  THE BEST THING THAT YOU CAN DO FOR SOMEONE PROCESSING FAILURE IS LISTEN.  Give those processing their own failure the space and grace to work through what happened.  Use this time, as you listen, to come to better understand their point of view and how THEY see their failure and their path forward.  Often times you will find that your input is superfluous.  We, each of us, have an amazing capacity to heal ourselves given the space and grace to do that.

With Love

A Cavalcade of Loveliness for Your Weekend

Sending warm thoughts of happiness, bliss, love, and joy to you this weekend!

Some ideas for inviting these qualities into your weekend:

• Listen to some great music, watch a delightful video, bowl yourself over with a musical experience.  Here are a couple of ideas to get you started: 

       

The Piano Guys share their love of music with some seniors

We are All Connected

How It Was Done   The Music

• Read something that moves you - that touches your heart, your soul, your very being.

About the Blue Sweater    The Book

• Do something kind, thoughtful, helpful for someone else.

350 Ideas for Random Acts of Kindness

• Celebrate the amazing difference you have made through these simple acts and deeds! 

Have a wonderful weekend my friends!

• 
  

A Love Letter to Shy People and Beautiful Introverts

Have you ever lost yourself when you've looked into the eyes of someone else?  Where your words leave you speechless, and your sense of self seems threatened with extinction at the personal nature of the contact?  That was me when I was a child.  I would describe it as falling into their eyes and losing myself.  This inability to connect without losing myself, coupled with the sense that because of my shy nature I was, for the most part, invisible caused me to avoid people.  It wasn't that I didn't want to be with people.  On the contrary, I desperately wanted to be with people and belong.  I so wanted to fit in - to be seen, heard, and appreciated.  I wanted to have a sense of belonging and being a part of something.  I was desperate to connect, I just couldn't seem to find the words and behaviors to make it happen.  It seemed that I always had just the right words and knew just the right things to do in hind sight, but in the moment I was awkward, frozen, and speechless.  I found myself standing on the fringe, trying to be a part of a group conversation, but shouldered out of the the circle of engagement.  It was only in my art, my writing, in music, and in nature that I ultimately found comfort.

So here is what I have to offer you.  There was never a moment - ever - where you are, or were, invisible.  Your presence, no matter where you stand, no matter how engaged you are or aren't is still uniquely and wonderfully you. That simple kind word, that gesture of stepping out of the way so others can go first, is grander and bolder and more brilliant, and says more about the quality of how you connect to the world than any popularity vote could ever communicate.  Your quiet way of being, your thought filled analysis and retrospect is needed in a world where life get's lost in the next shocking expose or demand to be entertained.  Stay true to who you are, and continue to make the art that is your life.  You are loved and appreciated.  It would be an honor to get lost in your eyes.

With LOVE