Failure...IT SUCKS!

Failure...IT SUCKS, and it's inevitable.  It's a given.  It's going to happen to you...more than once...in a lifetime, a lot more than once.  I recently retired from a job that I had been at for 15 years.  The last year of that work was one of the most challenging.  There was A LOT of opportunity for failure, and I fell victim to it more than once in that last year.  So here's the nugget - we, collectively, don't handle other people's failures well.  Seth Godin writes in his Blog Cheering you on when you lose, "who is waiting at the finish line, and who will be cheering for you at the final banquet, even when you don't win?  Especially when you don't win.."  

So let's be clear about WHY you would want to be there cheering someone on when they lose.

• You, better than anybody, should understand that failure is a given.  If you have any doubts about that look to your own life for verification - you are not perfect.  Neither is anyone else.
• Failure is a given, so learning to handle it effectively with yourself and with others is important.  If you expect to get from point A to point B in a team setting, you better get a handle on how you deal with the failures of others.
• You do not have all the answers and you cannot accomplish all that you need to accomplish without the help or teamwork of others.
• Failure, for the person experiencing it, is not a place of comfort.  There is risk; there is loss; there is a myriad of emotions - frustration, anger, disappointment, sadness...

To move through failure, people need to work through what happened.  They need someone to LISTEN.  Failure is a kind of wound.  Failure creates vulnerability. If we are to grow and learn from our failures, we need the space and grace of those around us helping us to realize that the wound is localized, that it, alone, does not define us, and that, yes, we will get to the other side of this healing process and be able to come away with learnings.  When we are going through failures we need those around us to hold to the vision of our impending success being strengthened by this time of loss.

Things NOT to do when someone fails:

• Criticize - kick someone when they are down.
• Add our own emotions (anger disappointment, frustration, fear) to the cacophony of self inflicted emotions that the person who has failed is already going through.  There may need to be time to share, and THIS IS NOT THE TIME.
• Be callous to what those going through failure are experiencing..."Suck it up!...Grow a scab!...Get over it!..."

 Here's another nugget for you: how YOU feel about someone else's failure is NOT going to help them successfully process what happened.  THE BEST THING THAT YOU CAN DO FOR SOMEONE PROCESSING FAILURE IS LISTEN.  Give those processing their own failure the space and grace to work through what happened.  Use this time, as you listen, to come to better understand their point of view and how THEY see their failure and their path forward.  Often times you will find that your input is superfluous.  We, each of us, have an amazing capacity to heal ourselves given the space and grace to do that.

With Love

A Cavalcade of Loveliness for Your Weekend

Sending warm thoughts of happiness, bliss, love, and joy to you this weekend!

Some ideas for inviting these qualities into your weekend:

• Listen to some great music, watch a delightful video, bowl yourself over with a musical experience.  Here are a couple of ideas to get you started: 

       

The Piano Guys share their love of music with some seniors

We are All Connected

How It Was Done   The Music

• Read something that moves you - that touches your heart, your soul, your very being.

About the Blue Sweater    The Book

• Do something kind, thoughtful, helpful for someone else.

350 Ideas for Random Acts of Kindness

• Celebrate the amazing difference you have made through these simple acts and deeds! 

Have a wonderful weekend my friends!

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A Love Letter to Shy People and Beautiful Introverts

Have you ever lost yourself when you've looked into the eyes of someone else?  Where your words leave you speechless, and your sense of self seems threatened with extinction at the personal nature of the contact?  That was me when I was a child.  I would describe it as falling into their eyes and losing myself.  This inability to connect without losing myself, coupled with the sense that because of my shy nature I was, for the most part, invisible caused me to avoid people.  It wasn't that I didn't want to be with people.  On the contrary, I desperately wanted to be with people and belong.  I so wanted to fit in - to be seen, heard, and appreciated.  I wanted to have a sense of belonging and being a part of something.  I was desperate to connect, I just couldn't seem to find the words and behaviors to make it happen.  It seemed that I always had just the right words and knew just the right things to do in hind sight, but in the moment I was awkward, frozen, and speechless.  I found myself standing on the fringe, trying to be a part of a group conversation, but shouldered out of the the circle of engagement.  It was only in my art, my writing, in music, and in nature that I ultimately found comfort.

So here is what I have to offer you.  There was never a moment - ever - where you are, or were, invisible.  Your presence, no matter where you stand, no matter how engaged you are or aren't is still uniquely and wonderfully you. That simple kind word, that gesture of stepping out of the way so others can go first, is grander and bolder and more brilliant, and says more about the quality of how you connect to the world than any popularity vote could ever communicate.  Your quiet way of being, your thought filled analysis and retrospect is needed in a world where life get's lost in the next shocking expose or demand to be entertained.  Stay true to who you are, and continue to make the art that is your life.  You are loved and appreciated.  It would be an honor to get lost in your eyes.

With LOVE

We're All Just Walking Each Other Home

To all of you who have allowed me to walk awhile with you this year, thank you.  Thank you for giving me the opportunity to come to know your stories and to appreciate your gifts and talents.  I feel so blessed to have you in my life - you who have brought such richness and beauty to my year.  I read your blogs, poems, stories, and thoughts.  I regularly loose myself in the photos and images that you share.  Thank you for putting yourself out there and for allowing me to walk with you.  I am blessed beyond measure.

With Love and Appreciation

My Wish for the World on this Shortest Day of the Year

For all of the peoples and the nations of the earth, may not even the names disease, famine, war, and suffering, be heard, but rather, may their moral conduct, merit, wealth, and prosperity increase and supreme good fortune and well being always arise for them.

Let humanity sing this mantra. Let it wake up to the truth of our connectedness.  Let LOVE touch hearts and minds and let us be kind to each other and to this earth that is our home.

In kindness and in Love.

Winnowing the High Points

Three weeks into retirement and I am busier than ever.  I have taken these three weeks to decompress from a work environment that I had been in for 15 years and I have winnowed out some of the high points from this dynamic experience:
1.  People, People, People.  In the end, it is truly all about the people.  We, each of us, stands on the shoulders of those who have chosen to serve us, to believe in us, to lift us up and encourage us to be better than our current self.
2.  Greed and a false sense of entitlement can stunt an organization's  growth, or bring a business to it's knees faster than anything.
3.  Relationships within an organization and extending out to vendors and suppliers are the true figures of success.  If ANY of these are not in alignment with culture, the culture is at risk of failure.
4.  The true nature of an organization or business can be discerned by carefully examining the nature of the relationships that organization has.  This is the true tell.  Language and PR is simply smoke and mirrors if the relationships aren't true to the culture.
5.  It takes a brave company and visionary leadership to diverge from the status quo.  Just as in the relationships, the quality of leadership within an organization can make or break its culture. 
6. HOW an organization moves towards its vision of culture is equally as important as that vision itself - strong arm tactics have no place in a people centric culture.
7.  Building culture takes time, and more importantly, building culture takes LOVE.
8.  LOVE in a culture is about tolerance, accepting differences, nurturing, encouraging, appreciating, forgiving...LISTENING (Listening is NOT about you.  In order for a person to KNOW that you have listened to them, THEY have to feel heard and understood.)
Finally, there are no organization, no business, no culture, except for the people who choose to believe and make it happen.  In the end, it comes down to building faith, trust, and love.

Wishing many blessings to all.

Reflections in the Eyes of Others

It took me a long time to be able to know my life path vs. those that belonged to people who's paths I crossed.  There were many times when I swerved onto someone else's path thinking that it was better than mine, only to discover that it was better for them, but not better for me.

I am comfortably on my path now.  It is clear and well paved and inviting.  What is even more reassuring is that it FEELS right.  There is a familiarity even as I round bends that I don't know what to expect.  I have learned to accept others perspectives without necessarily being swayed.  I have come to understand that the reflection I see in the eyes of others is based on their perception of who I am and what my path is or isn't.  Sometimes the input of others can be like a hall of mirrors - it can be easy to lose your way if you are guided by others insights.  As interesting as these insights from others are, they can not hold a candle to the light of self reflection.  It is through self reflection that I am able to right my way and navigate effectively.  I give tremendous credit to my observer - that part of my psyche  that looks on during events and advises and guides.  This observer capacity helps me ride out emotions, and trauma, and attachments, and come out the other side with understanding and positive forward momentum.  In the end, the only one who truly needs to be able to make sense of my journey is me.  Self reflection allows me to spend time doing just that.

Wishing you blessings and happiness.